This is gonna be long... and probably inconsequential.

I didn't need any proof that it was true: you never stop learning! I guess the only question you can ask yourself about it is "are you willing to admit your mistakes and treasure them for the future?".
I'm doing it now, almost every day... especially in the week-ends!
I still don't seem able to stop torturing myself with those horrible "what if's" though, but.. hey... you can't change from one day to another, can you?
I'm not sure I know my proud side enough to recognize it when it comes into action... it always gets mixed up with insecurity and something else I can't quite identify. Haunting memories from the past engraved on my mind, maybe?
Actually I don't know why exactly we act and react as if the situation we're living at the moment was a copy of something we've already experienced in our life, especially if it's something unpleasant or difficult in some way. I know though that's how it works: the old "you" automatically makes its appearance and usually it takes a while for the "you" you are now to take control of the situation and put aside what is not meant to be there anymore.
Though my self-esteem issues are still as big as they can be, what I truly admire of myself is the constant quest I pursue: I'm never tired of  learning, of trying to understand why something is the way it is, of questioning myself and go deep to find out the answers I need.
Quoting from a song I'm listening quite often lately I don't want to be "comfortably numb" as I've been until I became aware that is not how it is supposed to be: I deserve more, especially regarding health issues. I let myself complain about this matter when I think about how many limits I encountered throughout my life because of that, though I'm grateful for how life has treated me when I think about all those less fortunate people. But this consideration would introduce a very large topic I don't feel like going into at the moment.

Speaking of "down-to-earth" things: June is over and I still have to recover from the shock of realizing an era is officially ended  ... no more afternoons at the library... wait... no more crazy funny laughing-until-you-cry afternoons at the library with Desy and Zeby!!!  Can I cry?
I felt like bawling, I swear ... I'm afraid I'm going to miss these past eleven months badly... it's already started!
The other day Morgan told me the beginning of something is more important than its end, but...
saying goodbye to our dear mascot who has just left for Germany
to our little stupid daily "rituals" [involving gummy leprechauns or not]
to our crazy totally out-of-their-heads customers
to the love/hate relationships born among the books shelves
to the "nick-name as many people as you can" game
to the misadventures with very rude professors and external customers
to my lunches staring out of the window when I was with some not-too-lovable colleague
to the Saturday mornings with the radio's volume so high we could hardly hear what the customers were asking for
to the never-ending signposts work for the whole library
to the hours spent chitting and chatting about our love (mis)adventures
to the stressful cohabitation with Sapy  or dead~inside [recently risen to the rank of "little cookie" because Desy made me notice she looks incredibly like the Gingerbread Man from "Shrek" ... the only difference is she doesn't have the cute little buttons on her tummy] or very~bad~ill~inside [nick-named "fine features" some time ago, but better known to our most affectionate customers as "the mastiff"  ... scary!]

... [I could go on for pages and pages!] ... well, believe me it's everything but easy! Let alone the fact I met dANIEL there on my very first week of work and I have so many beautiful memories that are really dear to me. *big sigh*

Yesterday I watched the "Live 8" show on TV: Linkin Park and Sting were both involved, the first ones played from Philadelphia, the second from London... I truly hope those 8 people will remember the WHOLE WORLD is watching them on Wednesday! 
Just a last thing and then I'm over for now: I wanted to thank Aidan for commenting on my previous post. I had written that I needed advice, so I'm grateful she let me know her point of view: we finally came to a compromise, dANIEL and I, in case you were wondering.

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I'm not too sure what's going on, but I hope you're feeling better. The "what if's" are never any fun, and I try to avoid doing that at all costs, because when you think about it, the only point of that game is to upset yourself more. Take care, you, and thanks for the comment!